Me and my imaginary lovers
Stacked on top of each other
Compartmentalizing our love
It oozes out of us when pressure:
Like two bricks squishes the middle
Im in my room fingers deep and i think of the women that decorated my mind
How i can love only in the confines of my mind and the tips of my fingers
I daydream of a space i can open up for the both of us
I’ve always been a builder
Lets hold each other on our couch
They say it’s a world where the man can have ambition and make a family
I want to breed out of our love breaths that never end
Sighs of relief
Look at us, we can imagine a whole playground
Crawl space where we can pant and moan
And cuss at their structures.
My mom doesn’t want that love for me.
In my room i’m fingers deep and when i should be focusing on making love to you,
Suddenly I’m in smog
Suffocating on shame, there is labor
When you don’t know where to look
and your eyes water
There is labor in not letting your eyes linger
In the looks you evade, the sparks you don’t entertain, the questions never answered.
I was held a few times, and consumed
I never forget those touches, i think about them every dark moment. I am reminded of another dimension,
With or without the portal
A small door in the nook of our confines
We will find crawl space
Where we can pant and moan
And cuss at their structures:
I love you.
Nov 25 2023
I don’t want your cheeks, I want you.
Im learning how to love without need
If you can give me your company
oh how i desire
to hold your cheeks
But if that makes
your mind race
and your heart clog,
I don’t want your cheeks, i want you.
In your words a thousand seas
that I dip my toes in to pick and choose
in your eyes dollops of honey
for me to taste and understand
Years separate us, yours in light and flow
endless flow, as giving as you
nights of dance, you tell me
with the light basking in you
and your mind, i don’t know
but I see you sway
I imagine you in your glory
and I taste glimpses when we grab coffee
My heart, a sharp shriek
realizes where it’s playing
in puddles of promise
I ride my car and blast my music
and think of how that connects us
as I sing and I long for you
I remember songs from your lips
I won’t tell you that I want more
you give and I take and I thank you
you give and I take and I thank you
better to dip my toes in your thousand seas
than to kick splash in puddles.
Nov 9 2023
Women of Many Answers
I met this wide-eyed lion
who blinds my eyes with her light
In her presence my voice thins into a reverberating hum
There is nothing I could say to her that she hasn’t heard
My presence is like a
Blank page or a mirror
She doesn’t shy away from me
I have been with women of many answers
Women who steal pulses from my heart
Sift them with their hands
Then place them on my eyes
And lead me home.
We sat at a café in mindless silence
I waited for her to finish eating pancakes
All plans failed after that
She was changing too fast, and the air was still
I left her there and she has only been polite to me ever since
I have been with women of many answers
Ones who taught me how to pray
Ones who taught me how to kiss
I ask her what does it take to meet God?
A room full of incense
Minimalist furniture
Arabic calligraphy on the wall
What does it take to get kicked out of God’s room?
Purple hair
Skipping a few kisses to the mat
Forgetting the candle on
If I carry the candle to the bar and bring it back
Is it still God’s candle? Has God ever entered a bar?
Does it suffocate you, the smell of the bar in God’s candle?
let me lick my finger and turn its flicker off
Then lick my burnt finger and flick my lover’s breast
Her flame is balm
I have been with women of many answers
I met a woman that learned to subdue
And another that wrote whole timelines for her children
now I hold my lovers’ hands as they trail behind
I lead the small sidewalk
it’s the only place we can walk
it’s the only way I’ve been taught to love
to engineer the warmth even if my hands get sweaty
treading through claustrophobic horizons
thin lines, they are thin lines
like the way we fall in and out of talking
the way I see her care for others like it’s her profession
the way I kissed her to stop her from talking about other boys
and she thought it was practice
the way the only confrontations I have with my mother
are over the phone
because it can only end with us closing the line
I have been with women of many answers
My presence is like the next page or a single shard
Enough to carry all the lines
Enough to deflect their light
July 28 2022
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